Monday, July 20, 2009

A Christian American Prayer and Biblical Questions and Answers

The word out on the street is that this prayer is given at the opening session of the Kansas State Senate.

"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who can call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have ridiculed the absolute truth of Your Word and called it Pluralism.
"We have exploited the poor and called it the Lottery.
"We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
"We have killed the unborn and called it choice.
"We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.
"We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem.
"We have abused power and called it politics.
"We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.
"We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of speech.
"We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.
"Search us Oh, God, and know our our hearts, cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Guide and bless these men and women who have been sent to direct us to the center of Your will and openly ask these things in the name of Your Son, the living Savior, Jesus Christ.



What do they call pastors in Germany?
German Shepherds.

Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew a little prophet.

What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.

What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Which servant of God was the most flagrant law breaker in the Bible?
Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible?
David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun.

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